I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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