Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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