i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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