i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
