I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
