Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
