I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
