I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
