I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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