you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
