she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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