so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
