We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
