All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
