Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
