So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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