I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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