They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
