He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
