Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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