I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
