I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
