Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I got her a Nickelback box set.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Randomize
