I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
