Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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