So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
