even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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