You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
try to milk me bitch
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