Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
