If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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