we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
