Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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