There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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