My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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