it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
