is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
