1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't deserve a penis
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
