Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
