M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
