WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
