i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
