Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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