Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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