ya dads aren't the best wingmen
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
