There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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