i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
