haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
