Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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