He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She's the barista slut.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
