Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
40s are totally the cure
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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