She's JV to your varsity
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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