mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
