1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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