Will you blow on my dice?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
