the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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