Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
