i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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