Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
