Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
